The Coenaculum

 

Wikipedia defines "Coenaculum" as an "eating room of a Roman house in which the supper (coena) or latest meal is taken. It was sometimes located on an upper story, and reached by an external staircase."

As happens all throughout the Holy Land where the locus of three major monotheistic religions gingerly resides, the Coenaculum is neatly located above the revered site of the Tomb of King David. In fact, a visit to the Coenaculum on Mt. Zion which is right outside the Old Walled City of Jerusalum, means that you will find yourself climbing an external staircase to reach the entrance to this second floor. And I can guarantee you that once you're inside this rather large, empty room, you can't help but do a 360, looking all around the space and into every corner and crevice, conjuring up the imagery of a long wooden table with a dozen men seated (women in the background serving, of course), where what was to begin as a convivial Passover meal ended up being the Last Supper.

This storied structure is still intact today although it's been passed through several hands including those of the Crusaders; at one point in the 1500s, the Ottomans converted it into a mosque which is why one can see Arabic writing on some of the walls (and, note the mihrab, center left of the photos - a mihrab is the prayer niche in every mosque which is always built in the direction of Mecca). To the left of the entrance into this main room, not pictured, is a bronze statue of an olive tree which Pope John Paul II bequeathed in commemoration of his visit to the Holy Land in 2000.

Whether you visit the site alone or in a group accompanied by a guide, you are only allowed entrance to this main room. HOWEVER - there's an interesting theory that the actual room where Jesus broke bread is not this large room - it's a smaller room off to the side. Reasons behind this theory are debatable like everything else in the Holy Land, and some accept this location as a close to (or) actual site of the Last Supper, and others do not. To be fair, every biblical location in the Holy Land is associated with controversy or debate - and in this respect, the Coenaculum is no different.

I definitely hoped to see this smaller room. The hair on my arms stood up at the mere idea, and I could feel how close I was to something just outside my reach.

So, on my last trip to Israel, I found myself once again climbing those exterior stairs up to the second floor of the Coenaculum where I walked into the main room as is the norm. This time, I noticed three metal doors leading out of the main room, and I considered each one carefully as I stood in the middle of that space visualizing which door might lead to the real room or area where the Last Supper was purported to have taken place. I must have spent at least ten minutes walking from door to door, trying and re-trying each one, but I was out of luck. They were all locked.

I walked over to the young Israeli guarding the entrance to this main room. He was sitting behind a table looking bored, gun lying casually on the desk but within close reach. I could see he was engrossed in drawing something with pencil on paper. When I got closer, I laughed to see that the drawings were images of a gun, over and over again. He was basically doodling - but the subject of his "artwork" was so incongruous with the place itself, it made me lift an eyebrow and, yes - maybe chuckle a little irreverently. 

I asked the young man if he could please unlock the doors to those three other rooms. He replied that he didn't have the keys to those doors - but he understood what I was after. He knew that I wanted to see the alleged real room of the Last Supper! He was familiar with the theory that the Last Supper didn't take place in the popular main hall but rather, it transpired in one of the smaller rooms - and he agreed that the idea seemed plausible. But then he also offered his own opinion that the rooms in question - any of the three - might all be too small an area to have housed upwards of fifteen people - though he admitted that he had never actually seen the rooms, himself. 

It was a tantalizing theory, and I was reluctant to leave without having at least gotten a glimpse into those other three rooms, as though by merely looking into them I might be able to miraculously discern whether or not a group of Galileans actually broke bread in there during the Last Supper.

Seeing how I was unable to hide my disappointment over not being able to investigate the three smaller rooms, the young security guard shook his head, ending our conversation and my musings in the most matter-of-fact way, "I'm sorry I can't help you. 

But you know what? Seems that if this main room is good enough for the Pope, then it should be good enough for you!"

And just like that, my young guard picked up his pencil and resumed his doodling, unfazed by such esoteric debate. Not a bad reminder that faith after all, is predicated on belief. It is in every respect, "...the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen." (Hebrews 11:1)

The Struggle for Closure

Closure.

When a traumatic, life-altering event occurs, many of us emerge from the numbing ether of shock seeking a thing called “closure”. Up until now, I thought I understood this concept — and in an abstract sense, I probably did. But in the wake of certain more recent events, I realized I’m conflicted. 

So I looked up the definition of this word, “closure”, because I understand the need to seek it - I just don’t know how many of us find it. 

I think many of us really mostly struggle with finding a path that gets us there.

According to Dictionarycom, “closure" is defined as “the act of closing, an end or conclusion.” That sounds neat, tidy, simple enough. Merriam-Webster defines it as “a feeling that a bad experience (such as a divorce or the death of a family member) has ended and that you can start to live again in a calm and normal way…” That sounds altogether implausible - like a set up for failure. Sensible enough on paper, a bit out of reach in real life application.

I searched some more. 

According to Gestalt psychology (the study of our mind’s ability to perceive meaning amidst chaos), there is actually a Law of Closure which can be illustrated as a person’s ability to fill in the gaps of an incomplete object, thus rendering it whole and organized. In other words, when faced with something that is obviously incomplete, our mind struggles to combine whatever is available in order to complete the image or object.

That third explanation feels more…accessible, familiar to me, even.

A friend defines “closure” as the ability to accept something for what it is, and not what it was. She regards it as an intrinsic phenomenon, not externally driven. And more recently, a professional colleague described to me his definition of closure, which is the conviction of having done all that he needed to do to finalize something on his end, which speaks to a sense of accountability. I like both of these definitions, certainly as far as they can be applied to circumstances, projects, or maybe even Life in general.

But death?

Death.

How do we get closure from death? Death is the uninvited guest to the gathering. It’s that terrible, inevitable equalizer that cannot be denied though it is often something we strive to ignore. Most of us have some level of personal experience with it, having lost a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a relative, a friend…some, even shouldering the unspeakable burden of losing a child. For me, one of the familiar things about death is that it makes me want to hit a “pause” button, in part, to collect all the scattered thoughts that keep looping over and over as I try to make sense of things; in another way, to halt any forward motion or eventual progression that I know must take place despite the fact that the absence of the departed makes such a concept seem completely profane - unreal, even. 

And so, going back to that Gestalt psychology and Law of Closure, I feel myself pressing the pause button, mostly in order to give myself time to try to “fill in the gaps of an incomplete object or image” - which, in the case of death, is that terrible, immutable void created by the absence of someone who was once with us. 

I suppose if we’re fortunate, most of us will live our lives relegating the specter of death to the back of the line or behind the veil that shields our thoughts from the anxious contemplation of the unknown. But once we do experience that gaping void of human loss - and it is inevitable that we will - we must then come to terms with everything about this now incomplete picture, including how we will go about rendering it “whole” again - an impossibility, where death is concerned. 

This makes the idea of closure almost…ridiculously out of reach. 

And so, no - I don’t believe we can ever achieve closure when we lose a loved one, at least not in the Merriam-Webster sense. We’re tasked with redefining “calm” and “normal”, when in fact, it is the very struggle for closure that keeps our loved one’s presence real - more real in fact, than their absence. This is the painful paradox of seeking closure, or being expected by others to achieve it, which by all the aforementioned definitions, would have us believe that closure is a goal and the struggle, an obstacle.

I posit that no, it is the very struggle itself that opens the portal to our movement and helps us to complete the incomplete. It is really the struggle itself that informs our grieving and hopefully our healing, and this struggle is a circular loop without boundaries, answering only to us, and we, to it. 

It is in fact this struggle, perceived by many as an obstacle, that is the path. 

And it is therefore somewhere along this looping path, for those of us circumambulating it, that we find our own version of closure.   

Veterans Day Memories

     Most of my serendipitous encounters with a stranger typically occur with older women. Breaking that paradigm was one Sunday's moving little exchange with an elderly gentleman - a retired veteran of World War II. Now, I understand how wars can be terribly complicated and so many of them these days are really mostly politically motivated. WWII however, leaves no wiggle room for argument or ambiguity and while I don't believe WAR is ever a good way to resolve conflict, I think I can at least appreciate how and why this particular war is called "The Last Good War". 

     So there he was, motoring along with the assistance of a walker, his wife by his side. I had just parked and was making brisk tracks toward Busch Stadium where the Cardinals were playing the Cleveland Indians (and where, in one of those weird twists of irony, we were actually seated next to two Native Americans). 

     Back to my WWII vet - As we drew closer to this elderly gentleman, I realized he was wearing a WWII cap. I stopped in my tracks! How often do I come across such a person? Not often. But when I do, I always feel momentarily paralyzed, kind of shocked. Having absolutely no personal experience with any war and never having served in the military, I have no clue about what this experience could possibly be like. But I appreciate the sacrifice, and am somewhat awestruck and very...sentimental - to think that these WWII veterans are quickly disappearing.

     We live in an age of immediate response and cyber-technology; intel is taken for granted and diplomacy is based on economics; apart from 9/11, we have lived relatively sheltered and arguably complacent lives. But these older men and women — these men and women are National Treasures. They were out there in the infantries, overseas in the front lines, fighting the "good fight" and literally saving lives and countries with the very notions of freedom and humanity themselves at stake. As a child, just hearing those two words "World War" in a history class was enough to invoke respect and awe, of course, from the safety of my picket fenced life. Just...the world - the whole WORLD - at WAR?!!! How horrific and scary and history-altering! 

     So I think in a weird way, I regress back to a childlike reaction - part fearful, part awestruck - when someone who actually FOUGHT in this war of wars, is sighted nearby, never mind coming straight toward me. 

     As we passed each other, I stopped for a moment so I could say "Thank you for your service!" I don't have a lot of practice at this and it felt a little awkward. But this kindly old man negotiating his side of the sidewalk stopped to acknowledge what I'd said -- and to say "thank you" right back! I could sense that we both were hesitating, unsure of who was up next or even what to say. So I started to babble what was in my head, which was that it's an honor to cross paths and that I am so sad his kind is leaving us; yikes, I know how awkward and maudlin that sounded - but to my relief, he was absolutely beaming! It was so touching to see how delighted he was that someone said something to him, to be acknowledged for his service dating to a time that is fast fading. Maybe he gets that a lot -- but I'm also sure it can never be enough. 

There can never be enough "thank yous" for the sacrifices those men and women made.

     We chatted for a few minutes during which time I learned he'd been drafted (and btw, another thing I love about such random encounters - there's ALWAYS something I learn from them. For example, I did NOT know they were drafting for WWII!) I felt ashamed yet wowed at the same time, which I think he also enjoyed... seeing my reactions - I was shocked! Drafted?! So - what happened?!!!? Off he was shipped to the South Pacific, circa '42. He was actually in the infantry in Luzon in the Philippines...as he spoke of it, he began to tear up...but he wanted to talk. 

     At this point I could see the person I was with starting to drift away and also the gentleman's wife had continued ahead toward the parking lot and was standing there and as I hoped, patiently waiting...but I was completely thrilled that my vet was so open and wanting to share...and I told him that when I think of WWII, my first thoughts are always oriented toward the European front. But I was able to make a "connection" with this older vet after all. Imagine his shock when I told him I had been to Rabaul in Papua New Guinea, and had actually explored some of the caves the Japanese had dug into the sides of the cliffs to hide their artillery (the harbor of Rabaul being a very important strategic naval base and South Pacific headquarters for the Japanese); I dove Mitsubishi bi-planes off the coast of Walindi and had done some wreck dives in Rabaul Harbor. We were both excited. He said to this day, his wife still talks about taking a vacation cruise - but he can't bring himself to board a ship; the time he spent in the South Pacific aboard armed carriers has left him with his fill of the sea. 

     He also commented that he was growing old and that "there aren't too many of us left!" (tearing up again)....he said that when he first came back after 1945, he didn't like to talk about the war. But now, he's full of stories and would love to share them. 

     He was thrilled when I asked if he would honor me with a photo together - and when I look at this picture now, I see how remarkable this man's face is....so full of character, so full of those stories, no doubt many yet to tell. He gave me his name but I've forgotten it. This happened in 2012 so the likelihood that he is still alive today is small. 

     But I will never, ever forget him, or this encounter, or the men and women like "my" vet, who sacrificed so much for our collective ideals. 

They are the Eternal Guardians.

Autumn in the Air...

Looking out my kitchen window now, I am no longer greeted by my sweet little hummingbird visitors. 

Instead, I see the wafting leaves dancing in the wind, gently circling and swirling, a curious and hypnotic choreography of nature taking with them my memories of a summer gone by too quickly. I catch my breath momentarily, then I sigh. Autumn is beautiful and bursting with crispy, crunchy colors and the smell of smokey wood - but it's also wistful and slightly unpredictable and...augural. It makes me feel like I need to prepare for something. Is it Winter?

    No doubt it's Winter.

But Winter isn't just a favorite metaphor - it's a season in every way, and sometimes the knowledge that Winter is just around the corner can make me sad. I think I anticipate a sense of loss, a preemptive sort of goodbye that I feel in my heart and silently say in my mind; all the trees and flowers going dormant...do they have the confidence necessary to reawaken in the Spring? Is there any guarantee they'll be back and blooming?

I worry about the survival of the animals, and I hope they make it but I know some of them won't. I fight off my own torpor and try to concentrate on pumpkin scented candles and apple pie and harvest moons and autumnal decor. I love all these things - but I still worry about Winter. I still secretly hope that Winter comes quickly - dare I wish for gently - and that Winter is followed just as quickly by Spring which is actually my favorite season of all.

To help ease my mind, I find myself focusing on Spring even while Fall hasn't yet officially begun. I'm willing to cheat myself out of the present tense as a trade off for contemplating the future - a controversial exercise that goes against the much touted mindfulness, the glorified be-here-now mindset.

I mean, how can I not?

Spring.

Spring! 

How can I not fast forward my thoughts to Spring?!? 

Spring is the antipode of nervous and wistful and worried. It's fresh and full of mischief; it's the renewal of life and the hint of hope and the promise of things to come.

Spring is the Unspoiled Potential. It's the smell of coffee in the morning and the reason to wake up after a long season of slumber. It's the Dream we can continue while awake, because we already know it has all the possibility of coming true.

So excuse me if I just fast forward through these next two seasons --- I've always been a light sleeper, anyways.

Seeking Light

Only mushrooms grow in the dark. 

#seasonalaffectivedisorder  #sadlamp

An Unexpected Intimacy

We were moving, and I didn’t want to leave.  We left, and I didn’t want to move. We’d arrived - and all I wanted was to go back.  

I am not a Buddhist, but I am familiar enough with Buddhism to recognize one of its principal precepts: that everything is subject to change and that suffering and discontentment are the result of attachment to circumstances and things which, by their nature, are impermanent. 

Indeed.

All throughout this journey of packing and storing, moving and arriving and ultimately, unpacking…there was a single item I professed to care about. One thing that, if damaged or lost, I would somehow feel as though a piece of me was also broken and dispossessed.  And maybe, because of this move I was so reluctant to make, I already felt a little damaged, a little broken….a little lost.

The truth is, I was attached to a thing - a painting.  A huge piece of artwork that I’d carried with me throughout Kathmandu during an amazing trip to Nepal and Tibet back in 2002.  Every centimeter of the fragile canvas was covered in superbly detailed (often in miniscule scale) color including delicate gold filigree. It was an oversized scroll — a "thangka" lovingly and painstakingly stroked by two Tibetan monks, depicting a life cycle…an extraordinary expression of the birth and rebirth of the Buddha. The irony hit me only after my encounter with the woman at the frame shop.  

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

So as was bound to happen, this one thing I valued, this one thing to which I’d allowed myself to become attached - this was the one thing that was damaged in the move.  The glass within the frame, shattered and broken.  

Metaphorically speaking, I could relate.  

Realistically speaking, I was irate.

I tore up the driveway on the day of the Big Move, right after I got the call informing me that a very large item, a piece of artwork, had been damaged in transit.  I jumped out of the car and raced inside the house, pushing my way past the movers as they continued unloading our stuff (which is how I regarded the rest of our belongings….just….stuff), arriving in time to see a third party snapping photos of my beloved “thangka” lying on the floor of the basement, shards of glass everywhere.  

Suddenly everything was quiet…and in the silence of that room in the middle of a house in the center of the States, my mind raced back to those monks in the Thamel District of Kathmandhu…how we’d talked to them and carefully chosen this piece, how we’d conscientiously avoided transacting in Tibet because the occupying Chinese strangulate everything there from commerce to artistic expression. How that painting had once threatened a visiting priest, how I’d been misjudged for establishing its domain on our living room wall…how for me, it represented one of the last major trips I’d taken in my many journeys fueled by curiosity and an open mind craving new experiences and a desire to connect with people the world over.

Seeing some stranger hovering over it as it lay prone on the floor…my reaction wasn’t limited to just the visceral; I had an immediate physical sensation similar to that of a body blow. I fell to my knees and passed my hands over the painting…just how damaged was it?  Could it be fixed?  

It could be fixed.  

Several weeks later, I was single-handedly and single-mindedly dragging the painting through the house, out the garage (sliding it on top of some leftover cardboard from a remnant box), and gingerly and of course ever so carefully, hoisting it into the back of the CRV.  I covered it with a blanket and drove at an obnoxiously slow pace all the way down the street to the nearest frame shop which luckily, was only 3 miles away. 

When I got to the parking lot of the frame shop, I was all business.  Trying to wrangle that thing out of the back of the car was out of the question; I knew I’d need the assistance of at least one employee just to maneuver it out of my vehicle and into the store.  With that in mind, I decided to first park the car and then advise the store personnel that I needed help.  As I walked through the parking lot, a Lexus pulled up right next to me, forcing me to stop in my tracks.  Irritated, I looked down into the window of the car and saw an elderly woman in the passenger side. She was of tiny stature, her long grey hair pulled back in a bun at the nape of her neck. She was dressed in an Indian sari.  For a second I forgot where I was as I reached out to open the car door and offer the woman my hand.  She turned to the younger female driving the car (her daughter?) and said something to her, then turned back to the car door which I’d since opened - as though I was a chauffeur waiting for my client to emerge from a stretch limo.

“Would you like some help?”, I asked her.  She smiled and said thank you, yes she would like help out of the car.  Her enunciation was soft but clear, “Please….yes.  Help me.”

I grasped her arm and gently pulled her up and out of the car.  We walked slowly toward the store entrance.  It was cold and drizzly that day, and I was wearing jeans, jacket, and closed-toe shoes.  By contrast, my elderly companion was wearing only the lightweight, gauzy material of her not-very-weatherproof sari.  I pulled her closer and leaned into her, propelling us both through the doorway and into the dry protection of the store.  Once inside, I attempted to direct her to a bench and asked her if she’d like to take a seat while she waited for her daughter.  She smiled and shook her head, pointing to the carts.  She wanted a cart.  We walked over to the carts and I pulled one out for her.  Knowing her daughter was parking the car and would be catching up momentarily, I asked my impromptu companion if she’d be alright to wait for a second or two, and she smiled at me, nodding in the affirmative….yes, she’d be alright.  And as she turned to thank me, she paused for what was almost an imperceptible second before taking my hand and squeezing it gently. Holding it for an equally imperceptible second more, she then did something so remarkable and unexpected, I smile now just to think of it again — she raised my hand to her mouth and kissed it, saying “Thank you…thank you”.  

So then, there I was, recently arrived in the Breadbasket of America (at a Michael’s Craft Store no less), heavy of heart, bearing the burden of that shattered painting, my broken “attachment” — an attachment as much circumstantial as material…and I was just kind of momentarily stunned. Stunned out of my funk, in fact. The only thing that came to me was to say “thank you” back to her as I turned away, leaving her to watch me, both of us smiling.  And I realized I felt…excited.  Happy.  Almost joyous.  Like a burst of adrenalin to the soul.

I thought about this strange connection - this genuine touch between two people…a kind of unexpected intimacy not normally associated with an encounter between two unknowns - though no less authentic for the lack of acquaintance. I thought about that fleeting touch - how it was so brief and so…light.  It was unusual, yes — but it didn’t feel awkward. It felt…sweet. Poignant, even.  It made my day, and I would say, it even made the damaged painting all the more worth the while.  I’d gone from feeling upset about the need to repair it, to feeling especially fortunate - for the same exact reason.

As silly as it may sound, something changed for me that day, it really did. Something inside.  I felt the tides shifting toward the positive.  When I walked out of the shop, the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds.

I smiled all the way home.

Ma Rencontre Parisienne

How many of us are familiar with the hustle and bustle personifying the arrival area at any given airport outside our country? The cacophony of a foreign language broadcasting over a loudspeaker as people push by; the urgency and the emotions and the confusion and the orchestra of dissonant sights and smells…This melody tends to play itself out at any airport, true enough - yet Paris really brings it all together in a passionate crescendo. It might be a cliché as far as feelings go, but disembarking from a transatlantic flight into the Roissy CDG airport is one of the most exhilarating sensations in the world – like you’re getting swept up into a love affair beyond your control - as though there’s a beautiful, magical, unexpected "je ne se quai" around the corner just waiting to be discovered.

The problem after the first blush of this warm embrace is that first of all, it doesn’t last for very long; and secondly, if you’re like me, then you might just find yourself stumbling out of Charles de Gaulle’s arms and into the impersonal and ever intimidating confusion know as the Parisian metro. What an awakening.

What a reality check!

I remember arriving at 9:00 am in the morning, knowing I'd be leaving for Tel Aviv the following day. I'd been to Paris before, and oui, I did all the checklist things that first time visitors to Paris do. But this time, I had just a little over 24 hours in the City of Lights and there were only two things I planned on doing during my layover: 1. have a coffee at the Café de Flore and people-watch; and 2. check out the little Picasso museum in the artist’s former house in the Le Marais district.

After collecting my luggage, I decided to save some money by skipping a taxi and braving the metro into the city. I don’t have a good sense of direction and I’m not a good listener – but mon dieu! I was in Paris (isn’t that good enough just by itself?) and I figured I had plenty of time (24 hours in fact) to get lost and eventually find my way to the hotel where I was supposed to be staying, pas probleme.

And get lost is precisely what I did.

I found myself smack in the middle of Le Marais, throngs of people pushing past me and my bag behind me. I must have had that stray look on my face - I know I was trying to get my bearings and figure out what my next move was going to be - when I heard this voice above the din, "Are you lost? Do you speak English? Are you American?!" I craned my neck to see beyond the crowd, and there, a few people deep, I saw her – a woman, probably in her mid 50s, wearing a beige trench coat, holding a bag with a lamp sticking out of it (a great eccentric touch), and smiling sympathetically at me. The most natural thing to do was to smile back.

She pushed against the flow of pedestrian traffic to reach me. "Where do you want to go?" she asked me. I told her I was looking for a hotel on the left bank and had no idea where I was. She shook her head, "No no no....you are far from there. Why did you get off at this exit? Come. I'll show you." She insisted on walking with me down the block, across the bridge and all the way through the next neighborhood to my hotel. I can still recall what a gorgeous walk it was - it reminded me of a Georges Seurat painting come to life: the sun was brilliant, children were lined up for a field trip as we crossed over one of the bridges, some old men were puffing away on their cigarettes and arguing politics, the Seine river was shimmering serenely below - and the whole time, my new friend was chattering away "look at this", do you see that"....

We couldn't pass by a shop without her pointing out how lovely the presentation of the white asparagus or approving the fruit and vegetable arrangements; pausing to smell the flowers in the flower market; chattering about the Bastille which was only just down the road; sharing an appreciation of specific architectural styles and window treatments; talking about her brother who lived in an apartment on the Left Bank, etc and etc....she was a treasure trove of information – a true character, and I was getting a real authentic grass roots tour of the surrounding Parisian neighborhoods. I couldn't believe my luck in that she had all this time to shepherd me around - and that she spoke English so fluently.

And what a conversant companion she was - turns out she had lived in New York City for ten years, working at the Berlitz language school there. She was well traveled, well educated, loved Americans and especially New York, and had a great time telling me some funny stories about her life there a few years back. Seemed we had lots to talk about....it was even a bit odd - like finding an old friend I hadn't seen in years.....I suspected she might be kind of lonely, missing her life in New York and eager for some fresh conversation. Sometimes such moments with strangers provide that window.

Eventually we arrived to the hotel which she insisted checking out on my behalf. She didn't care much for my choice of accommodations (I was budget traveling for sure), but agreed it would be acceptable for one night. She was just getting ready to leave me when she asked if I needed anything while she was there, as she could easily help me and it would be a pleasure. I thought about it and realized that in fact, I did need to buy a hairdryer (I know how weird that sounds. But I didn't want to tote along a ginormous converter apparatus...it just seemed easier to purchase a hair dryer locally). So I told her I was going to lay down for a while, then go out and find a store that sells small appliances. She seemed delighted by this and told me to drop my bags off in my room – and provided I still had the energy - she would take me to the discount store nearby where I could get my hairdryer without paying an arm and a leg.

So off we went, like two girlfriends spending a day shopping....I got my hairdryer, dropped it back off to my hotel, and by then, my new "friend" Christine had already decided (well, something tells me she might have decided this from the moment she first saw this lost American) to forget about whatever it was she had to do that day, and stick around with me IF I didn't mind the company. We were getting along great and I still wanted my coffee and people-watching fix at the Café de Flore, so I told her my plan and invited her to join me. She was delighted. Next thing you know, we're sitting around outside, sipping our coffees and making all kinds of anthropological studies of French people, Parisians in general, Americans, and the list goes on. We covered a lot of ground during the time we had a few coffees there. She was such a funny and engaging companion...

When we were finished with our coffees, I was prepared to say "adieu" and move along my way. I still wanted to see that Picasso house, and even though the formerly sunny weather had transitioned to clouds and it had actually begun to rain, the thought of going back to my tiny hotel room wasn't very appealing - and I still had the day ahead of me. So I thanked Christine for her time and her company (what else do you do in such situations?) and I sensed she was reluctant to say goodbye, but such encounters are really no more than interludes - they already come imbued with an air of...temporary. 

We said our goodbyes. 

As I walked along the street leading to the Picasso museum (back on the other bank), I took my time browsing in some of the art shops along the way until eventually I reached the house. I started walking around and had gone downstairs to the lower floor to look at some things when I suddenly heard "Michele! Michele!" (my name echoed through the hallway)...I was shocked - because I recognized the voice - it sounded like Christine!! Was my imagination playing tricks on me from being jet-lagged or did I actually hear my own name being called out a moment ago?? If Christine and I had already said our goodbyes over an hour ago, how/what in the world was she doing stalking me at this museum now?! 

I didn't really know what to think.

I turned toward the voice which was coming from upstairs and met Christine half way down the stairway. Would you believe she had an UMBRELLA with her? She had come to give me an umbrella - afraid that I'd be walking back (and it was a fairly long walk) to my hotel in the rain!

I felt so shocked. I couldn't believe she had performed this lovely act of kindness for a stranger. She pushed the umbrella to me, and then, we proceeded to walk around the museum together - arm in arm - two new best friends leisurely strolling a museum on a rainy afternoon, chatting and whiling away the waning hours. And boy did she have the most amazing, funny - and very sharp - critiques about Picasso (not surprising), and we evaluated and compared notes on his works and also gossiped about his love life. By the end of that afternoon, I was sorry that I'd be getting on a plane the next morning to leave. If there had been a way, I would have changed my flight for the following day – but I couldn't do that.

So, we finally did say goodbye (for real), after strolling through the museum and talking some more....and again, I couldn't shake off this weird feeling - like I'd met up with an old friend or someone I'd known previously but hadn't seen in years. I felt sad to have just met her and then to leave her, just like that. 

We exchanged addresses and promised to write.

And write we did, for about a year. Nothing too frequent (she wasn't on email and who likes to write long-hand these days?) but enough to stay in touch, and always letters of substance. As someone my senior, she had lots of advice (sometimes requested, mostly offered) and things to say about Life in general. She was certainly French down to the core.

Eventually we fell out of touch...

And then, 9/11 happened.

The Christmas immediately after 9/11, I sent Christine a card. I wondered how she felt about that event, and whether anyone she knew had been hurt or killed (you know that old theory about six degrees of separation). A month or so went by and then I finally got a letter from her. She had actually been in NYC when 9/11 occurred. As an even greater matter of coincidence, she’d been visiting friends just a few blocks down in the Tribeca area. It was the first time she'd been back to the City in about ten years. She was as devastated as anyone.

We fell out of contact again after that, but I still have her address and sometimes find myself thinking about sending her a letter. I wonder what she’s doing…if she’s well, what she’s up to…if she remembers me like I remember her.

Until the next time I return to Paris, this is how I'll always remember my last visit to such a magical city: as a unique, intense, unusual, and joyfully personal encounter with a lovely if not somewhat mysterious Parisian woman named Christine.

J'adore Paris com ça!